This is hilarious:
A new priest at his first mass was so nervous he could hardly speak.
After the mass, he asked the monsignor how he had done. The monsignor replied, “When I am worried about getting nervous on the pulpit, I put a glass of vodka next to the water glass. If I start to get nervous, I take a sip.”
Next Sunday the new priest decided to take the monsignor’s advice. At the beginning, he felt nervous and took a drink. He proceeded to talk up a storm.
Upon returning to his office, he found a note on the door that said :
- Sip on the vodka, don’t gulp
- There are 10 commandments, not 12
- There are 12 disciples, not 10
- Jesus was consecrated, not constipated
- Jacob wagered his donkey, he did not bet his ass
- We do not refer to Jesus Christ as the late J.C.
- The Father, Son and Holy Ghost are not referred to as daddy, junior and the spook
- David slew Goliath, he did not kick the crap out of him
- When David was hit by a rock and knocked off his donkey, we do not say that he was stoned off his ass
- We do not refer to the cross as the “Big T”
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