Medical Workers Share Their Craziest Patient Stories

A 30-something year old rancher that was out four wheeling with friends, they bet him he couldn’t climb a tree…he did. Then they bet him he couldn’t jump out of the tree and land upright…he did. Both legs broke. He had a pretty good sense of humor about the whole thing, and barely needed pain meds.

Guy came in said “I think a bug crawled up my ass this week! I’m sleeping somewhere..uh..not so nice. I feel him crawlin around in there!!” He had a hemorrhoid

Guy walked in completely impailed with a 4×4 wood post. He was drinking and working on his roof when he fell off. His buddy got a chainsaw, cut the bottom of the post, and somehow the impaled guy stood in the back of the pickup for the ride to the er. He walked in the reception area and said “hey everybody, I hope you don’t mind if I cut in line a bit. This seems quite serious” and promptly passed out. He survived.

Another was a teen boy, came in because he got upset at a party and punched a window, the glass cut him. When I say cut him I mean a few tiny cuts and scrapes. no glass lodged in the wounds, and he needed exactly zero stitches. We cleaned him up and he cried endlessly. The funny part was that he had full sleeve tattoos, and when the doc brought up the idea that the tattoos had to have hurt way worse than the scratches, he just cried more. We had to laugh about that one. It is kind of callous of us, but something about that situation was just funny.

Guy comes in with a salt shaker lodged in his rectum. Said he was changing a lightbulb then somehow fell onto it.

A parent was convinced their child had internal bleeding because she ate an entire pint of blueberries, which caused her poop to turn a blueish colour. Her discharge diagnosis was literally “ate a carton of blueberries”