Family is your blood, your lifeline, and your reason for being. Family is where you feel “home”. If you’re lucky, this might describe yours perfectly. But for some, the picture of a family isn’t so pretty.
In the excerpt from Pref, a young man gets honest with himself and his dad about what it was like for him growing up.
Read this letter to his father below.
Dear Jack, I am 34 years old. I am not the little boy who cried when you left. I am a man, with a son and daughter of my own. I’ve never spent more than a weekend away from them. I am a father and a damned good one. I don’t need you anymore.
Once, I needed you. When my mom died, I really could have used a dad. I could have used anybody. When she died, there wasn’t even anybody there. No one cared about us. I spent three days in that apartment, eating toast and just waiting for her to wake up. And then they called you. Because you were my dad. You were twenty three, young, but not so young really. If you had came and gotten me, you would have had a son. I would have loved you forever.
But you didn’t. So I went to a bunch of people who didn’t love me, but liked the check they got with me. It didn’t make them treat me well. I have burn marks on my arm and I still can’t spend time in closed in dark spaces after being shut in closets. An afternoon is a long time when you can’t count.
I didn’t count on anybody. I used to pray, the way mom did with me when I was little. But after praying for someone to come and rescue me, long enough, hiding under my bed and praying that my foster dad wouldn’t come in and would leave me alone for just one night. Just one night.
I stopped believing in most things. I lived in seven different homes from 4-16. And even the decent ones, I was never family. I didn’t have real birthdays or Christmases. I wasn’t allowed to go in the fridge and just get food when I was hungry. When I was 16 me and my foster dad got in a fight over a ham sandwich. “Boy, what are you doing in our things?”. And so, I left. Sixteen, with nobody to call, and 40 bucks. I just walked away with a backpack. Anything could’ve happened to me.
But I made it. I’m a man now. And I don’t need you. I don’t want you to feel bad. I just want you to know why I can’t be your son. I’m 34 and have never been any one’s son. I don’t know how. And I just don’t have it in me.
A family unit, when healthy, can be an unstoppable bond. And a boy’s relationship with his dad? Well, not much else compares. The loss of family is a scar that not much can repair. But this brave boy, who didn’t have a choice, learned that he didn’t need a family, or a father to survive.
So he harnessed his inner-strength. All he can depend upon is himself, and that’s all he will ever truly need.
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